In the last few weeks, I’ve been faced with a number of different challenges. Some of those have been related to my business, others have been related to my financial affairs and the remainder of them linked to my social health. Through every single one of these challenges, I was able to identify a number of different patterns of behaviour that have been running my life since I was a very young child.
Recently, I read an article online about the lasting impacts that bullying can have on your life, not just as a young person but as an adult too. At the time I read this article, I was aware of certain effects bullying has had on my life but it wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I truly became aware of the challenges that I’ve had to endure as a consequence.
Before I continue, allow me add one thing. In no way, shape or form am I about to blame or have I blamed being bullied for how my life has unfolded. Nor will I blame anyone else for how I am today. This post is purely for the purposes of bringing awareness to what changes can be made and how the challenges that we face, as a result of childhood bullying, can be transformed into challenges that significantly push us to be more of who we are so that we are able to do what we love.
When I was younger, I physically stood out. I had big ears that could be seen from a mile away. I have mentioned this before. As a result of this, I was over-protected and, at the same time, put on a pedestal. Two actions that, although done with absolute love and good intention, impacted the way in which I have grown and evolved as a human being. My growth and my lessons, I can now be grateful for because I have seen the value and benefit of it all – although, it has taken me close to 28 years to get to this point. To me, that’s an unnecessary amount of time to be disconnected from who I am but I am thankful for this because of the lessons I have learnt, that I would love to share with you and many others like me.
Just yesterday, while doing some breakthrough work on an old pattern, I uncovered a significant truth about my life that I know has been holding me back for a very long time. I chose this path in my life because I was taught, at a very early age, that it would serve me. I’ve come to learn that, although it has served me by teaching me something very valuable that I get to explore with others, it stunted my growth, altered my perceptions of reality and my unconscious actions. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t have changed this path in my life. It was neurologically hardwired and I had no awareness of how to re-pattern my brain and create new actions or intentions for myself.
You might be wondering what I learnt? When I was younger my over-protector was a female. It doesn’t matter who it was but the gender is important. As a result of getting continuous support from a female in my life, I attached the idea of safety, security, comfort and fulfilment to that gender. Since my ‘bully’ was always a male or male dominant female, I attached the idea of risk, danger, discomfort and lack of fulfilment to that gender. When I grew up, I had my ears pinned back and for the first time, in my perception, I was noticed by girls in my social circle. Naturally, because I associated more pleasure than pain with females, I gravitated towards them and isolated myself from males. At 17 years old, I started working and that time I had a girlfriend. Prior to getting all this attention from females, it seemed like I was never on their radar so when they finally gave me attention, coupled with earning money, I did whatever I could to keep that attention. Why? They made me feel safe, secure, comforted and fulfilled. All of which I was unable to provide for myself and wasn’t encouraged to do by that particular gender.
Fast forward to the present day. I am currently divorced and have been, for a number of years, experiencing challenges in my business and my financial area of life. Not only that, but getting close to a male for support, security, comfort and fulfilment has not been an option. The reason for this? A pattern that I had no idea was on autopilot in my neurology and had been that way for a very long time. The universe did whatever it could in the last 10 months to make sure I didn’t continue on the same path that I’ve been on for the least 28 years of my life. My best friend, who also happened to be my ex-wife, helped me, with her divine wisdom, start to realise that. She did so by separating from me and doing what she could to break my unconscious need to keep that pattern alive. She may not be aware that she played that role but I recruited her to do so, unaware until now.
I choose to share all of this with you for a very specific reason. It is a reason that has been the essence of why I started my company and why I am dedicated to empowering youth around the world to be who they are and do what they love with their lives. It is my purpose. The reason I was bullied was not because there was anything wrong with me, nor was it because I had big ears. I was bullied because the balance of support and challenge from the one person who needed to provide it for me at the time, wasn’t present. It was definitely there, as it always is, but not within the one person who could have altered my fate and sent me down a different path.
I am not a parent or a guardian of a child so I don’t claim to be an expert but if there is one thing that I have learnt in my life it’s that we require a balance of support and challenge in equal measure, for us to grow. We always receive it, without fail, but if the people that guide us as we grow aren’t balanced or centred within themselves and are operating on old patterns of fear and judgement, they tend to make choices that revolve around them wanting to save us from their own pains and challenges. Little do they realise that by doing this, not only do they bring more of that pain into their own lives but they land up imprinting that onto us as we’re developing. It is evident with many of the anti-bullying strategies that exist today. It’s all about ending the pain instead of understanding it. All that it’s done has created more bullying for us to deal with, until we can truly appreciate the lessons and blessings that underpin it.
Bullying can be transformed. It can never be eliminated because we need challenge to push us in life. The form in which we receive it may change but it’s what creates growth, not only in us but in nature and the universe as well. As a child, being over-protected instead of receiving both support and challenge equally from that one person, left me with a one sided reality about how to live my life and it took me a lot longer than necessary to uncover my true worth and value. Like I said, I am grateful it happened the way it did because it has given me a purpose on this planet and a mission to create change. I can see that it was necessary for me, so I could deliver this message, but it can change for everyone else and it’s time we applied a different approach to this dynamic. It’s not evil. It’s not something we need to destroy or eliminate. It’s something that requires understanding and a new set of actions to transform it into something that is both productive and constructive.